This was how I felt when I took the MasterKey the first time..
Week 18 – Awaken from the dead again and Again or not yet dead.
I told you that I was going to kill my best friend (best friend = my old blue print), not just say goodbye but kill her, to make sure that she didn’t come back.. but sorry to say I have not found the fast way to do that..
But still trying to strangle her little by little, she keeps grasping on to any old nasty thing in my past, and drag it out.. in one way that is good because then she will take all that nonsense with her when she dies.. but oh my it is hard.
Today she pulled out an old case which I thought was buried a while back, but this time it was just a new person tricked my old blue print.. so hmm.. first it was really putting me down, and oh no, I was just starting to do so good, and feeling great, attaching any feeling I desired to any thought, but not today!
Then I realized ‘What do I pretend not to know?’ Hmm okay I have a problem with strong, powerful demanding women (maybe even people, that I don’t know yet, but especially women), maybe it is only the demanding part, and that they only want to help if there is something in it for them.. I wonder how can people like that be successful.? I know you clever heads are going to say, they might have success but do they have it in all area of life..
I have for a long time now been able to control my thoughts and not thing badly about others, and did it happen anyway, I could change it right away, but not today! Today I really wanted every bad thing possible of the entire world to happen to this lady. Grrrr.. maybe because I can’t kill my old blue print I have to react on someone else..
But this really got me off track for most of the day, and that was awful !!! I’m back now writing about it, but shoot I wasted a lot of time and energy on the wrong thing.
This MKMMA is not for wimps! I can understand why people surrender even 4 month in the process.. because this is hard work, and sometimes it really feels like you are stuck and getting nowhere.. BUT!! then it is only to look back, and remember how your life were 4 month ago.. And if nothing has changed, are you sure you want to change?, sorry.. and what do you have to lose? if you want to go for your dreams that is hard work no matter how you are going to get it, so yes this is hard work, and I have said it before, and I do it again.
NO WAY AM I GOING BACK!
Not that my life were bad, but I just want and expect more!