Week 13 – I want to scream!

Week 13 – I want to scream!

I don’t know what it is.. I could hope that it was to get all the concrete of all at once.. but it’s not that easy.

I have written before that it seems like everything is out to get me, that there all the time keeps coming obstacles.. or a ton of new picadors running my way.

Sometimes when I read other blogs it’s like they struggle inside, where I feel everything around me is out to get me down.. and I know it then has to do with how I react to these situations. I heard about these crabs that you can’t catch, only if you get 2 or more at the time, because then they will stop each other in getting back out, and if one crab continues to try they cut of his legs so he can’t run. That is how I feel.

At the same time it’s like I REALLY want to scream, I really want to hump up and down and be REALLY ANGRY.. I’m really tired of being the one looking at all things the nice way, the good way, see the good in everything.. not because I don’t believe it, and do see it, but it’s just like nothing is getting back from this. Only more hard work, more explaining ‘why do you do this?’ ‘why have you put up these shape?’ ‘What good do you think will come out of that?’ I know that they are coming out of fear, but I really tired of ignorant people, I need new friends and family.. LOL

At the same time as feeling that I have changed or the world around me is different, either way.. yeah I also feel that nothing has happened, and I’m afraid because we are already half way, so I feel that I should have done better, there should have come just some results by now.. there somehow should have shown me some kind of a way or a light to follow.. but I feel like I’m stuck and at the same time falling. Falling back into the black hole, where normal is! Suddenly I feel my demands and dreams are too high, and that all the doubt comes with his ugly face..

The small glimzzzz of seeing a progress and loving this, somehow was taken from me again.. I’m fighting back, but GD it is hard to keep doing that..

And now I also need to be more grateful. I know I need to and that it is good to be because that is really not something we in Scandinavia is use to, not for real. But when you most of all just want to kick and scream it can be difficult. Oh I could be grateful that there is no one to kick or scream at at them moment 🙂 LOL

The hardest part is that it is all my own fault! I keep bringing these picadors into my life.. I attract all the challenges.. how hard is that to put on my shoulders on top of it all.. GREAT!!! I know it.. but at the same time I have no idea what it is that I’m telling the universe.. so I really have to listen even closer to my thoughts every second, because this has to STOP NOW!!!

So rephrasing and rethinking everything.. how can I put this, so that I’m very precise on what I want..??? hmmm… this is not only about the big stuff, but all the little things too.. (HURRRAAAAA more ‘work’)

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Week 12 – Looking for the more time to kick in

This is so funny – I do remember this so clear.. Mark keeps telling us that it will be no more work, and we would get more time.. hmm… more wants more or?

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Week 12 – Looking for the more time to kick in

I don’t know how you all do it.. with work and family..

At one point I don’t feel that there is too many things to do or read, but then when I get started, or at the end of the day where I find out that I still haven’t read xxxx.. I get frustrated.

I want to do better, and I want to spend more time on changing to the best version of me there is..

I would love if we could pause the world just for a month or so.. so I could catch up again.

This is a ride, and I started out this week being eager and almost waiting for the time to come where I should read my scroll and all the other stuff.. and I actually still have that feeling, but I also have the feeling of not having time to do it all..

No more sleep for me.. already now I know that in 2 maybe 3 hours my family wakes up and a new perfect, amazing day starts.

On top of that sickness has arrived in the house, we never tried that both of us are sick at the same time, so yes a new challenge, HUUURRAAA for me just have recorded everything again so that I don’t have to use energy to keep my eyes open to read and read and read.

So tomorrow I wake up knowing that this is going to be the best day of my life 🙂

Week 11 – Ready to REALLY make new peptides!

2 years ago – this was how this week felt.. and it was such an enormous way.. and is still very powerful in me..

Being the observer of myself can be hard. I can really see that habits really can be strong and that the peptides really have a strong power.

I found myself reacting upset because that is the way I normally would react, but I was actually not upset, I was not angry, but my body and mouth just acted almost like before. Not as loud or irritated, I could really see the change, which was great.. on my way to be the best version of myself.

But what really was interesting was the part with having more or less no control over that my actions just came automatically, without actually wanting to act this way.

The story about the man going to get his coffee every day and getting his fix of being angry really got me thinking, and seeing things. Not only with myself, but with my boy as well. He expects certain reactions from me and my husband when he does things, and I can see that he sometimes also seek the negative reactions. I have often thought to myself, why does he seek that and not the good part, but now I know that he actually is not doing it with purpose.. it is the old habits and peptides that is in charge.. interesting, great to know and somehow a relief. Now then it is just how to figure out how to break these peptides and create new ones. I know how hard it is to do yourself, and he is too young to do that, so I need to help him do it unconscious, because I can’t get him to do assignments.. or maybe he can..

I now understands why these peptides can get really really strong, when they start out in our childhood and never get cleaned out.. I can see that my mission really fits with this, to get children and youngsters to be themselves and be self-confident really is important. It is so important that we start in the childhood, so that we get more self-confident teenagers, grownups and also the elderly.

 

Week 9 – Masterminding

I have wanted to have someone to mastermind with for a long time, but where to find someone who wants to be there for me like that, and so often, and not just tell me what they think I want to hear.

I just love this MKMMA, for everything I have been wanting, and waiting for, (or quite a lot of it), is a part of this. So now I also have one that I’m masterminding with, and I don’t believe in coincidences, and actually she doesn’t either. I didn’t know anything about her when we linked up, but we have so much in common, that is it almost scary, but I really look forward to get to know her over the next weeks, and see what will come out of this new friendship.

About no coincidences, just think there is a reason for the person to be in my life, why??? Maybe to help, maybe to teach me something, maybe she/he needs you. So when you pick a masterpartner, don’t pick someone you know, what will you gain from that? You know how they are, you know what they will say more or less when you ask, so there is nothing new in that, and you will not develop. Look at the blog role, and pick a name, write to them and see if they want to connect. You might look for someone with the same time zone that makes things so much easier. I didn’t, but it ended up that way anyway. Trust the universe! There is always a reason for this person to inters you life, maybe only for a very short period of time, or maybe for life.

Also look on the people already in your life, that is exactly the same. If you have people in your life that is annoying you, frustrating you, stop and think WHY? Why are they a part of your life? is it time to let them go? or is there something that you need to learn from this person. Maybe not that they are going to teach you like face to face, but more the situations that you end up in regarding this person. Maybe you need to learn to handle these type of people, learn to say no, or learn to appreciate others situations.. the reasons can be many, but there is one.

Mastermind after each Sunday call, is optional, but it shouldn’t be, that is my opinion. If I should in few words tell anyone what I learned on this last call, it would be from the masterminding at the end. Not that I didn’t get the whole call, and not because that was the last thing, so that is why it is fresh in my memory. No because here is the questions and frustrations, that I have been feeling, thinking of, and it almost feels like I’m asking the questions, at least I get my questions answered. And you figure out that ‘hey I’m not alone on this journey, I’m not the only one having these thoughts etc.’ And you get help you get answers to why this is. How amazing is that.!!!

Love where this is going. 🙂

Week 8 – Forgive – it works

It’s nice to know what your mind is thinking about, but also frustrating when you found out how may useless thoughts are in there every day.

I know that I’m in the process, and it is not done over night, but.. The part that I can always replace a negative thought with a positive one is nice, but not easy. The part that I can just attach any feeling of my choice to any thought and situation, again nice but not easy. These 2 I have really been thinking about this week which already has passed. And together with no opinions, and forgive everyone. Oh my!!!

There was a reason for me to go back a listen to the little video from week 7. There is always a reason for things to happen, but this time it really stoke me. This time I listened, or.. this time I felt it.

I had been in an argument, which I didn’t want to leave. Or I really wanted the other person to know that I meant business, that this was the last drop. And then Mark says, remember to forgive everyone!!!! Oh my..

First I felt, but How can I do that, when…. that is not fair, why should I suffer and forgive at the same time. But then something happened inside, like it just was done. What good would come out of me not forgiving this person??? NOTHING!

Then I almost got angry because it was true that I need to forgive everyone for everything, even though it might not be easy. But when you start to think it, it’s like your heart just follows your command. So yeah greet this day with love in your heart!

A few moments later I was preparing some Christmas things and did with my children earlier today, and put names in the gifts, and again one of these persons is not my favorite let me put it that way.. but my heart just told me.. forgive and forget, he needs it! And a calm peace surrounded me somehow.. Very strange, and at the same time amazing.

I didn’t feel that I was doing enough of the homework, I wanted to go even deeper, and seeing and feeling that something is starting to happen only makes me put even more effort into the exercises.

 

Week 7 – What a wonderful World

It couldn’t be more perfect.. everything around me.

Last night on the call our new assignment was given; no negative thoughts!

Together with that we can’t complain, and no opinions 🙂 This must just be the start of the best week ever.

And yes.. Fantastic.. Amazing.!

My children sleeps a whole hour longer than usually, amazing then I also got some extra sleep, and never mind that we then get to daycare later. But we had to wait on daddy getting back from the workshop with the borrowed car, (our should have a checkup), yeah the car we should have had, had been in an accident, so we had to get one with one 2 seats. Great when you need to take 2 children to daycare. 🙂

So first my husband had to drive our son, and then I could go with my daughter to daycare (the same place), where she were suppose to start having a day without me, but they were under staffed, so no one to take care of the process of Agnes, my 10 month old daughter, getting settled in with new routines.. so okay, I just change my plans and stay.. Amazing 🙂 A whole day with my children at daycare 🙂

Then we have to go shopping, Agnes is very tired but wont sleep, that just makes a really fun girl to shop with 🙂 and to make it even better she drops my phone so that it breaks into pieces. Amazing.. 🙂

Okay, no negative thoughts, not nearly halfway through the shopping I realize that the time is way too late, and I need to pick our own car up at the workshop, and get back to my husband because he has a meeting he needs to attend. Okay Agnes has still not been sleeping, and it has started to rain. 🙂

This is now the rush-hour and we are getting nowhere.. BUT HEY HAPPY THOUGHTS, because do you know how many red circles there are.. MANY when you has to go through town.. so I’m just loving the red lights, and in my world my way to my LEGACY 🙂

Changing cars in pouring rain, on my own with a very tired Agnes. And then back to the family. Hey rush rush rush back, and what do I find.. my husband lying on the couch with our son. Hmmm.. The meeting was cancelled. ‘Oh, I wrote you a text message telling you’! This was 10 minutes ago and my drive takes 40 minutes, so really helpful.

Agnes still on sleep, so don’t want to eat, okay then up to bed, but no.. only almost 4 hours later and NOW a really frustrated mom, she is sleeping.

I’m not complaining, just stating the facts.. and telling the world what a wonderful world we live in 🙂

And tomorrow is a new day with NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS..

I’m totally blank – week 5

No opinion how this week is going..

2 years ago I wrote…

week 5 – This is really interesting.

I’m not a woman of few words, and 1 year ago I might also have had a lot of opinions on a lot of things. But this week last year same assignment as this week, NO OPINIONS!

Funny enough this time I didn’t really think so much about it, it just was or is how it is suppose to be. But being the observer I see (or hear) so many people having opinions, but now I really don’t care (as much as before).

Sometime I just feel sad for them, other times I think ‘hey, I’m glad that I don’t have to put up with that any more or always go and be concerned about this and that, and then letting everyone knows, because what I say is important’.

One thing that is really great, yeah actually amazing! is that I no longer just jump in with them.. when they start talking about some crap I either just let them talk and let it go in one ear and out the other, or I simply stop them, and tell that I actually don’t care what they thing about x, y, z. I no longer start discussing it, or getting upset together with them, because it won’t bring me any good, so why bother.

WOW !

This is amazing!

To be able to see the change without knowing it, feels awesome.

Now it shouldn’t sound like I have no opinions at all, I sure do 🙂 but now when I focus on not having them it comes natural.. so the part with what you focus on you will get, really make since here.

So I just have to start focusing on more productive things.

underskrift-by-charlotte-r

 

Sorry for the layout.. My whole page is changing these days, so please bear with me.no-opinion